Have Your Say

Friday, January 28, 2005

im sick of being treated this way. i cant believe tt my mum dun trust me. im almost 17, in a matter of 3 days. yeah, i noe tt being 17 doesnt permit to do anything i want or run down any regulations. but the thing tt im so fucked up bout is tt i havent own any trust frm my parents, esp my mum. im supposed to go with ema, but she didnt allow. fine. i asked y. no ans frm her. tt's so unfair. she's doin sth w/o having a reason. when i told her tt she didnt allow me to go out due to her not trusting me, she went slightly dumb. bullseye! i cant believe it. i tot i was gaining her trust all this while... she said tt she does trusts me, coz if it's otherwise, she wouldnt let me go to movies. woah... big deal goin to the movies. and she told me tt she'll be sending me to cest la vie, when a few days back she said i could go on my own. now, tt's no one i can trust under this roof.

im goin crazy. and i mean it. i used to be a jovial, sad and angry girl. now, all i do is frown and put up fake laughters and smiles. i feel so bad doin it. but, they push me to doin so. i dun feel like celebratin the 17th yr of my life on sunday during dinner. i dun have the mood anymore. my life is upside down. i can talk to no one in this house when im troubled. i cant stand them nagging at me anymore, trying to prove me wrong. im an unstable girl, emotionally... an unpredictable time bomb.... flare up at one time, or burst into tears silently another time. no more smiles after the tears or anger. never. i feel myself going insane. i feel myself becoming hostile to ppl. and it's unfair.

Smashed into pieces at 1/28/2005 02:02:00 PM

Thursday, January 27, 2005

can anyone help me with the taggie thingy? it can be used... juz type in ur tag. it'll appear when u click the tag button. howeva, how the hell am i supposed to noe if anyone tags or not? haiz... help? anyone? izzit onli on my comp, or goes the same to the rest?

Smashed into pieces at 1/27/2005 09:25:00 AM

slept at 10 sth last nite. ter-wake up at 0001 hrs. planned to sleep back. soon, i felt like i was forcing myself to sleep. i stayed awake, tossing and turning, till 3 sth. by then, i gave up, and decided to stay awake all the way. went on gprs, dld stuff.... an idea hit me. tot playing taufik's 'i dream' to put me to sleep. luckily i recorded it. played the soothing voice of taufik thrice, if im not wrong. next, i realised aisyah called me, timecheck 0629. passed her some stuff... for her jc thingy. unwillingly woke up... smsed dL at 0648. really wished to fall back asleep, but, dunno y, i juz cant. so stayed up and read my book. after like half hr or so, took a bath, and here i am, 0840. blogging. battling a huge headache. well, not exactly, battling.

woah... cant believe i woke at 6 sth juz to give sth to ais. but, im glad i did. the moment i open my door, the cool morning breeze set on my face... i missed tt feeling. the feeling tt i always during my camps. the fresh wind blowing slowly.... sth to rejuvenate me after wasting my time in the wee hrs of the morn/nite doin nth. it's really nice.... really.

nth to blog bout actually... like duh. it's damn early. oh yeah, stumbled upon an ex-classmate bloggie, which i so didnt expect. haiz... he's SO changed. didnt imagine him to tt extent.... any-hoos, will go blog hopping again... i think it's better than downloadin songs...

*it's a child's duty to try and bambozzle his parents*

Smashed into pieces at 1/27/2005 08:29:00 AM

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

i got my hp back! yay! it's onli for one nite tt i was hp-less, but i still had to borrow om's hp for a while... gosh. despo me...

anyways, i've been saying tt my taggie's spoilt. actually, it's prefectly well... it's like, u havta juz type in ur comments, and it'll appear... how dumb of me. prolly it's juz on my comp tt it appears tt way. anyways, sorry for not replyin ur tags.. not tt i dun want to.. it's juz me being ignorant. argh... stoopid me.. hehe.

bout being lizaphobia, like mommy sue said, im still not goin my room. ema, it's not juz a lizard. it's a pest. a scary one. a disgustin one.

im all fine now, since my taggie's up again and i got my phone back. next, ill be waiting 4 my room back... i dunno how long. but, ill wait. like moomy sue said, unless it's dead, im not goin in. haha...

thinkin of changing my bloggie skin, but dunno which one to choose.. have a few in mind.. but really cant make up my mind. haiz... im happy, happy todae... lalala.... blog hopped a lot too... adieu peeps... tt's all...

Smashed into pieces at 1/26/2005 04:46:00 PM

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

im roomless... im handphone-less.

my hp was sent for servicing... sth wrong with for wekks actually... the lady said it has ringtone failure. coz there's no ringtone although one has been set.. so, i will be hp-less for a night..

damn taggie... still spoilt....

im pms-ing... haiz...

i feel tt im gettin fatter... argh... feel onli... i dunno lah. im crapping...

im hooked on sandra brown books... awesome.

Smashed into pieces at 1/25/2005 06:28:00 PM

Monday, January 24, 2005

i may sound like one insane freak in my last entry. haiz... tt's me.

have not blogged for some time, coz i dunno wat to blog abt. had ok-time during raye. howeva, i was pissed off by one of my relatives. hmm... it could either be a male or a female. it could either be an aunt,uncle or kuzzie. tt asshole really irks me... tt arrogance. tt oh-look-nobody-can-defeat-me look. ugh! sick. i was SO frigging piss....... tt's the onli minus pt of tt day.

rite now, im confused. agitated easily by sth. i cant figure out wat to do... im bored. i dunno wat to do... cant go out the whole week. waiting for cest la vie on sat.... hopefully it wont be disastrous. hopefully, it wont be a waste of my time... im bored. and im still roomless. somebody make the lizards' population extinct....

and i've officially watched white chicks five times....

and my taggie's not working.

Smashed into pieces at 1/24/2005 01:55:00 PM

Friday, January 21, 2005

i cried last night. coz there was a lizard in my room and he wouldnt put in effort to look for it and kill it. my room is the onli place for me to wind down.. read a book and chill to the radio. now, a single lizard can make me feel so insecure. he said i was talking rubbish when i told him i saw lizard. i hated it. then i cried. am i crazy? crying coz the lizard is still luriking ard somewhere in my room? yeah... i might sound insane to u, but lizards are juz my phobia. i really which he could understand it. im dumd. im insane. im a 'coward'. i slept in my bro's room yesterday.

i juz dun understand y he cant see my pt of view. ppl have phobias. im might be behaving like a lil kid, scared of a lil lizard. but i cant stand him, giving his useless and oh-so-wise words abt growing up and taking respondsibilty. he cant see his own mistakes. everytime i'd try to be nice to him, he'd be hostile. he's asking for it. i've never loved him. i dun love him. i shall never will.

Smashed into pieces at 1/21/2005 05:35:00 PM

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

juz came back frm the day out with the girls!! well, supposed to be me and ema onli. and after a chain of events, i went out with feli, liya and ema.

meet up with elfi and rahman and the girls at sch.... wasted a lot of time at sch. filled the foyer with our sudden outburst of laughter.. and now, nobody can stop us, coz we're no more under the dumb sch rules... haha... b4 goin to town, elfi and man are such wet blankets... damn. elfi was scared to ponteng his job, and man had to go to his training... so the 4 girls head to town... creating havoc in the train. buses, streets... feli was a lil too quiet. haha.... i respect her so much coz she had to withstand us... i had almost forgtten how bitchy liyana was. it was nice seeing those peeps again.

tired lah.. u ppl should noe how it is like when we get together... had some eye candy as well... tt's not surprising rite? will post the pics soon.. if i remember

Smashed into pieces at 1/19/2005 05:51:00 PM

ok.. feli said tt i dun not update much lately. u wanna noe y? coz i dun think there's anything to blog bout. to sum it all up, i've been staying at home, eat, drink, read books(yeah, im reading books now) and wacthing tv. and not forgetting the comp at times. i used to think tt i couldn't fathom life w/o blogging or tv. now, tt's SO wrong. comp is nth to me now... wat else can i do online besides blogging, checking emails, frenster and chatting...? haiz.... i've gotten used to it. thus, complaining bout it wont make a diff...

as wat ema wrote, she, adrena, feli and me had a conference.... it was fun. hehe... talked bout stuff. about how one of our classmates changed. yes... changed... EVOLVED somehow. haiz.... ppl do changed afterall... hehe. and newsflash!! ema's falling for adrena.... coz of her ' kiddish and innocent laughter'. and she said tt ad's dad is cute.. haha. adrena muz be aware bout ema. hehe... maybe it's true lah bout adrena's laugh.... not bout the innocent part though. maybe tt's y someone kept falling for her... haha...

ok lah... goin out ema and feli later.. heading to sch first. coz feli dearie is dying to see the teachers... till later..

Smashed into pieces at 1/19/2005 10:06:00 AM

Sunday, January 16, 2005

im freakin bored today... the whole day. wacthed white chichks again in the morning, during breakfast. i dunno wat i wanna do todae.... so here i am blogging my tots and feelings like the usual.

im having mood swings. major mood swings. fro example, i will talk to my mum nicely, yet the next moment i will be all frustrated and angry at her. i have no idea wat's wrong with me.... it's like i wanna talk to ppl, but yet, i dun feel like talking to them. i usually call ppl up when im bored, like ema or adrena. but somehow, today, or yesterday or lately, i feel hesistant to call them. i've lessened the usage of phone too... i think. i mean i dun talk so much now like i used too.... argh.... i feel jovial for a few mins, but when someone talks to me the next moment, i juz freak out and have this black face (like wat adibah describes it). i might be turning crazy... w/o knowing it. and tt's scary.

even when i feel like blogging, and when im already at the page where im supposed to type my entry, i juz dun like it anymore. another thing is tt im so fickle minded. very fickled bout issues. minor ones... like whether i should eat an apple or not. or whether i should eat cadbury chocos. i hate myself now... but soon, ill juz start to love myself again... and ill be angry at sth, even could be angry at myself. i have no idea wat im talking bout.... tempremental? yeah.... maybe not either... maybe it's juz me. maybe it's pms. but it's too early for it, i think.

juz me and my stupid tots... again. over and over again... well, i feel better now.. hope it lasts... damn.

Smashed into pieces at 1/16/2005 04:31:00 PM

Friday, January 14, 2005

well, guess wat? i cant go for the campfire... juz got of the phone with mom. coz her son didnt have duties... so i cant go. fuck.

Smashed into pieces at 1/14/2005 10:53:00 AM

nth much to say now actually... dun really feel like blogging. but juz wanna update, coz nanti ade jer org ckp tt im lazy...

here i am, 0917. damn... tt's early... haiz... but wat to do. havta, coz if not, cant go for the sec 1 orientatn campfire. yeah, what do i gotta do with it? well, first, to see my dearest grp of frens. second, to attend the campfire and have fun. the last time i attended a campfire was.... i dunno. oh yeah... 2 mths ago. tt's long aint it? but it feels as if it juz so recent. time really flies when u enjoy or treasure sth.

ok. this post will be damn short. leave u some pics. dun ask me y... juz felt like doin it.

pics frm my TP attachmt course....







last day of sch...

Smashed into pieces at 1/14/2005 09:05:00 AM

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

harlow harlow!! hahaha.... i was out the whole day with, who else, but adrena. haiz.... she was late todae. decided to watch phantom of the opera at tm, but there was no show in the afternoon. fortunately, there was one at century at 330.

so, in the meanwhile, we had like bout 2 hrs to ourselves. guess wat we did? we went to the expo... yes, s'pore expo. to do wat, i have no idea. both of us were hungry so ate at expo. and stop by the robinson warehouse sale. oh, of coz, there were lotz of typical housewife, from the makciks to kiasu nonyas. well, we got cold stares frm ppl, coz i dun think they expect ppl of our age grp to be there.... and we hooked up with chin fu!! hehe...

rushed back to century sq.... the movie was gd, for those of u who are patient and are willing to watch, sit and listen. forewarning to u peepz: it's sth like a musical... the cast were singing thru out the whole movie. on the other hand, while tt might bore u, it comes down to a sweet and romantic but tragic love story as, maybe, it's plot. tt's y u have to be patient and listen carefully to the sopranos. it's worth the $6.50... but i dun think it'll worth the $8.50. get wat i mean?

it was a typical day out with adrena... laughs, bitchings... and blah2. it is sth to do other than sit at home. gosh... ill be so alone when ad leaves for aus... coz i wont have anyone to spen the holidays with anymore. most of dearies are working... i should be gettin one too, rite? nah... im getting lazy actually. haiz.. even vic has a job. amazing... hehe....

tmr shall be another rotting-at-home session.

Smashed into pieces at 1/12/2005 06:40:00 PM

Monday, January 10, 2005

finally got out of the house last sat with my npcc mates. it was fantastic. for a reason or two. it had been a while since we, the prev batch of sec 4, gathered and have fun. we caught a movie, meet the fockers. it was so nc-16. hehe.... really funny. those who have not catch it yet should do so... it's worth every cent. even the dog in the movie was sexually excited. hehe.... i didnt spend much time with them though... gotta be home b4 7, which was very unreasonable of my mom. but i had a gd time with them. it felt great to spent time with the ppl tt u care bout and they care bout u too. the rest of the journey home will be hush2...

got home, ate and watched the match between s'pore and indonesia. s'pore was really impressive. it's time tt they show off their talents. the last min goal frm ind spoilt the dream scoreline... damn. but s'pore is still in the lead.

nth much on sunday.... oh yeah, i've helped a couple get back together...hehe. jk... congrats. remember to keep ur promises my fren...

i now face life with much broader perspective. i believe tt there has to be lies, foes, tears and moments tt we cherish in our everyday lives. however, it could be more than wat they seem. u may never noe wat lies beneath the events tt occur to u, or the truth tt u noe. and maybe, when u noe the deeper surfaces, u might either regret or feel gd bout bout it. i dunno.... it happened to me lately... but i dunno. it was scary for me to find out the truth, but i dun wanna jump to conclusion due to circumstances. however, one thing's for sure. i've learnt not to trust and rely so much, not on everyone, but on the one who had hurt me someway w/o realising it.

Smashed into pieces at 1/10/2005 03:55:00 PM

Friday, January 07, 2005

i feel im never happy at home. i dunno y. quarreled with idiot last night, which results in me not going to sch todae for np. i dun care if im being made use of or whether ill get paid or rewards when i serve np. it's all about my fucking interests. i dun feel tt i wasted my time. i noe they care bout me, but cant they juz let me live? cliched ques... but im tortured at home. i think i have more fun and laughter and freedom at sch and when im ard frens.... i feel so trapped when im at home. im glad tt i have never tried to love him. i never regretted tt. if i cry when he dies, it's coz im sad to see the pain in my mum's and bro's eyes. im so pissed off.... he bought me breakfast frm Mc's... wow... tibe2 je beli... selalu bising when i asked for it. damn... i noe u ppl wont understand wat im talking bout... juz forget bout reading this if u all like.. it's juz me, my undesirable life at home and my insane tots. all this bullshit in our lives.. do they actually teach u sth? it's dumb.... i dunno wat else to say. i shall restrain myself frm saying unpleasant stuff... i wanna get out of the house. i want ppl to stop telling me wat to do and have trust in me. it might take a while to see the results, but it's juz not me to do things which i hate to do on the spot. somebody help me free my soul frm this fucked up mess.

Smashed into pieces at 1/07/2005 01:42:00 PM

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

harlow ppl! finally here i am, updating... after quite a while... haiz... didnt update coz i had no mood, or somewhat like tt.

anyways, last thurs went back to sch to help out with NPCC for the upcomin cca day. then, on the same day, ais, farz and me spent some 'quality time' together after quite some time. it was great.. went nowhere far. juz tm. planned to watch meet the fockers, but we miss the 1400 show. so we decided to grab sth and walk ard instead.

cant remember wat i did on fri. probably positioning myself in front of the tv. ch 5 had the movie marathon thingy.. well, didnt really follow every movie. oh yeah! i baked cookies. really... it started out pathetic... but the cookies were delicious. guess im not so bad in the kitchen after all...

let's put it this way... i've did nth much in a mth. fyi, im still not working, and i dun think i will... yes. lazy pig u might label me.. wateva. my mum giving me $$$.. quite a sum. so, it's kinda ez money. i can spent my sombre holidays with adrena, who is also not working and carrying out daily routines similar to mine.

watched princess diaries 2 thrice... bridget jones diary 2 twice... both are not a waste of time to watch. esp bridget jones. it was terribly hilarious... ocean's 12 was horrible. worst movie frm the lot tt i bought.

2004 had been a great yr for me.... honest. i dunno wat and how to describe 2004, but those in my class should noe. it had been awesome winning the title.... winning the competitions. the teamwork and tolerance among us. '04 was a yr of farewells. gd bye 4g.. and some of well respected officers. sayin 'keep in touch' doesnt work, coz most of us has gone our ways. same thing goes to my sec 4 squad. it'll be amazing if we get to gather... it was a yr mix with fun, laughter, tears, misunderstandings and closer bonds were forged at the end of the obstacles. i maybe crapping u think, but i really want to re-live '04 again. i believe tt sec sch life has been sth valuable and memorable. an experience i will not forget, although it's onli in siglap. i wanna go back to sch... not to study, but to mingle ard and create havocs like those times when there were no teachers or we juz let ourselves loose during class. i actually miss cramming for exams or mini tests, or juz dun give a damn bout my results. i remembered aisyah and ema pushing and nagging at me to study... hehe.. thanks peeps... wasting time in geog class with liya and vic... not doin our work, and bullyin the teacher (was it ms lim?). crying our eyes out when some of us were asked to drop a math. my POP... not having to spend time polishin boots and doing up my uniform properly. the formation of 'table ppl'. i can go on with the stuff tt happened in '04. but it'll juz bore u ppl.. glad to have gone thru '04 with u all... 4g and peeps frm 4h.... and the sec 4 squad.

will try to update regularly aitez? for those who has jobs, gd for u ppl... belanja me when u get ur pay k? hehe.... and im not kidding.. ;>

Smashed into pieces at 1/04/2005 10:03:00 AM